Jersey Shore, How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Not since Seth Cohen of The OC blessed us with his dazzling array of shakespearean like performances have I been so fascinated with a nighttime broadcast.  Although usually loathe to watch anything on MTV, I was inspired by fellow Hazletian Sammi “Sweetheart” to revel in the lunacy that exists within the walls of one house in Sleazeside Heights NJ.  So what if it denegrates Jersey into it’s known sobriquet The Armpit of America?  As J-WOWW would say, “Bring it on bitch!”

Jumping back to a post from a few weeks ago, if you’d like to play “marry/bang/kill” with the Jersey Shore gang click HERE (scroll down a little bit after the link).  Although I chose with the majority, given my low tolerance for muttonheads (and the ability to modify the game rules) I’d probably skip the marrying, bang then kill all 3.  For other Jersey Shore funness click HERE.

Speaking of Guidos, that reminds me to discuss my New Years Eve.  With little time to plan I hit the ground running and visited as many trashy bars within a 5 mile radius of the DBV.  To call them trashy would imply that the people in these watering holes were White Trash.  Not wanting to misrepresent the patrons, I did some research and what I thought was initially WT turned out to be Rednecks.  Go figure.  Seems that just because I was the only person without multiple tattoos and smoking at every place I attended didn’t mean they were trash.  Turns out those identifiers could also mean they’re rednecks.  The best description I found was this one “White Trash can often be found hunting and fishing as well, but usually on someone else’s property”.  WT=Troublemakers RN=Good Natured Hillbillies

Next post: More ADamVENTUES and New Years Resolutions (figure if I write them after the first week I could leave off all the one’s already unresoluted).

Bless me readers for I have sinned…

…it’s been 8 days since my last blog post.  I didn’t think it fair to wax on daily about the 75 degree temps here in the land of the retirees while you Northeasterners were freezing your petooties off.  Although it would make me feel better to rub your runny noses in it, I’m not much for schadenfreude.  My 12 relatives have left for their respective cities and I’ve finally time to share some recent ADamVENTURES.

My father turned 70 years young last month and the whole Horowitz clan celebrated with him.  There’s always someone who gets a little out of hand at these things and my nephew Alex had a few too many Bud Lights (bottom left of the picture) then stuck his face in the birthday cake.

After spending a few days with the family you’re going to need to blow off some steam.  What better way to do that then to fire a loaded gun.  Three things scare me; A vacation where every meal is a buffet, women who can beat me in arm wrestling, and holding a device capable of scattering enough schrapnel to take down Andre the Giant.

Uncle Kenny (doing his best TJ Hooker on left) has a friend who’s a regular at the Palm Beach Shooting Center where I went to Get the Led Out.  I’m as power hungry as the next guy, but holding that loaded gun in my hand was responsibility I can do without.  For a once-in-a-blue-moon experience though it was awesome.

There’s tons more pictures and videos so if you want to see Greta in the batting cage, Jami and her Lamborghini or Zach riding a go-cart click HERE.

Sandy & Barry will be cruising South America for the next three weeks so I’ve decided to hang tight and take the opportunity to water their plants while they’re gone.  I’ll update you on my NYE festivities and other recent adventures in the next post, but in the meantime I wish everyone a Healthy and Happy New Year!!!

…and on the 53rd day, Adam rested.

53 days, 9,000 miles and lots of bbq ribs later, ADamVENTURES is starting to slow down now that I’ve reached the promised land (south florida).  Jack Kerouac never had client meetings, tweeted or treadmilled his way cross-country, but for the most part that’s what I’ve done On The Road and to tell you the truth, I’ve really enjoyed it.  So what are the lessons learned so far?

I love getting in front of people and selling.  This morning I took my 17 year old cousin to a real estate deal and as we did a walk-through of the site in shorts and sandals I said to him “This is my job and it’s a lot better than sitting behind a desk all day”.  Meetings have been one of the few things that have been a constant on the trip and it would be pretty boring if I wasn’t working the whole time.  I’ll be staying put here in Del Boca Vista for a bit which is good since I don’t think I can meet any more clients.  I’m so busy just from the people I met during the first fortnight let alone last week.

Blogging and Tweeting has been a blast.  Connecting in a whole new way has not only allowed easier communication to the people I already know, but also opened up channels with new ones as well.  Up until a few days ago, I’d blogged every single day since my trip started and was always humbly thankful every time someone reached out to say they “look forward to reading daily”.  I’m excited to be continuing the blog, albeit at a slower pace since they’ll be less adventures in the coming weeks.

Exercise has been my saving grace.  Eating a big-ass waffle at every hotel stop has its consequences and I’ve been working hard to counteract said ironed batter as well as the many meals eaten from dollar menu at the mini-mart.  Even when it was late at night I’ve persevered and worked out in some capacity every day since mid August!  I see no reason to stop and plan on controlling my eating by swallowing a bunch of rubber bands.  I figure it’s less expensive then a lap-band but uses the same technology.  On second thought maybe I’ll google that just to make sure.

In the coming month, till I get back on the road again with more ADamVENTURES, I’ll be providing blog updates with more of a social commentary flare.  It’ll be like listening to Glen Beck (but further to the left), Chelsea Handler (but less raunchy), Ben Stein (without the intellect) and Jon Stewart (without the 20 professional staff writers).  If you have any suggestions of things to write about let me know as The world’s mine oyster, Which I with sword will open.

Crazy, Crazier, “Clay”ziest

I do my best to lead a life with equal amounts hum-drum, exciting and crazy.  But when visiting college friend Clay in Tampa it’s full-on 99% crazy with nary a moment of hum-drum.  It wasn’t intentional, but maybe the next time I visit, it should be during the week when normalcy prevails.  The video below is from Clay’s balcony in South Tampa.

As much fun as he is, craziness increased a bit when former fraternity brother Philip joined the fray.  It’s hard to describe personalities that are so over the top you’d think Carrot Top was going partying with you.  I actually asked Philip if he had auditioned for the Jersey Shore reality show which is a bit of an insult but he didn’t catch on.  As he regaled me with stories of his epic partying and bedroom prowess I couldn’t help but think of The Most Interesting Man In The World from the Dos Equis commercials.

The people you associate with the most often are called your “circle” and mine consists primarily of people who watch Raymond and retire before 10pm (you know who you are).  Clay’s circle is quite the opposite and where he finds these people I’ll never know.  It’s like when Mr Burns says to Smithers, “release the hounds” and all the crazies head out partying.  Entering South Tampa I know I’m in for a late nights and stories that’ll last for years to come, so when in Rome…  Being a PG blog you’ll have to call for more details.  I’m heading down the Florida gold coast the next two days and will wind up in Del Boca Vista on Wednesday for my yearly sabbatical with the family.

Paris of the South

Welcome all to ADamVENTURES movie night where all the videos are avant-garde shorts and star the same leading man.  Paybacks are a bitch (so’s my petrol bill) and I was due some bad weather after the unseasonably warm and sunny weeks I had traveling to the left coast.  Today’s adventure took me to The Big Easy for the afternoon.  The first video says it all.  I’m in a tourist neighborhood, so once the performer saw my video cam he came lookin’ for some sheckles.

Video 2 takes place 5 minutes later after I received my bag of goodies.  It reminded me of the last time I was here except nobody was yelling “show me your t*&@”.  Ah memories, like the corners of my mind.

I’m somewhat insulated from the X-mas onslaught that takes place leading up to and just past the winter solstice mostly because I don’t listen to the radio or shop in malls.  So the rare occasion where I do catch some extra “spirit” I usually quite like it.  Wonderful little kids, I hope not to see them on America’s Most Wanted next decade.

Although the weather outside was frightful, the crescent city still shined and was gracious enough to let me walk around and use the cam before the downpours that took place later in the day.  It’s a beautiful city and wish I’d had more time to Check-ch-check-check-check-ch-check it out and see What-wha-what-what-what’s it all about.

I won’t be submitting any of my shorts to Sundance this year, but if I’m able to take more videos of my family playing Rock Band it might make it on America’s Funniest Home Videos next to the guy who’s kid punches him in the jewels.

A special shout-out to Andrew P from Atlanta who served as my personal remote-tourguide since he lived in the Birthplace of Jazz as a youngin’.  More pics and vids HERE.

It’s Good To Be The King

Sorry about the lack of a post last night.  I was too busy having my butt kissed by clients till late.  More on that later.

Heading out of Austin yesterday morning I drove through a cool part of town called SoCo (short for South Congress) which is kind of Main & Main of hipsterville (thanks J Loeb for the heads up).  Was fun to walk around and check out stores like “Lucy in Disguise with Diamonds and Electric Ladyland” (that’s the store’s complete name) and other funky indies that lined both sides of Congress.

Although I didn’t run into Matthew McConaughey or Lance Armstrong, there were plenty of hipsters, just not shirtless male ones.  Also on the mini-tour was a semi-famous (hard to tell if something’s famous when you only hear of it when you’re there) antique car fixerupper place called Austin Speed Shop.  Before (I took) and After (from website) pics on left.

Hopped in the 4-door and made my way to The Woodlands, a massive Master Planned Community just north of Houston, where one of my clients owns a hotel.  As you’re all too aware at this point I know plenty of hotel owners and they’ve all been very generous.  As they try to impress Mr Horowitz, many a time I’ve wondered if I was getting the royal treatment, AKA, the best room in the hotel.  Last night in Houston there was no doubt when I entered what I would just call the Presidential Suite.  There was clearly only  one of these rooms, you know the one with a double-door entrance and in-room jacuzzi.

The ass-kissing continued as they took me out to dinner with their family to the fanciest country club (The Club at Carlton Woods) mine eyes have seen.  It’s Houston, but this place was still spectacular.  On a side note, people have mentioned that I’ve used the word “breathtaking” quite often.  Don’t worry, once I left the Grand Canyon and headed South and East that word wasn’t in danger of being used again.

When the wining and dining was done, the hotel owner drove me around the Woodlands where they were building an 11,000 square foot home next to one of the ZZ Top members and Avery Johnson.  My fave ZZ Top song had to be “Legs”.  Well, I don’t remember the song much, just the video.  Released in 1984, you couldn’t be a 14 year old boy and not love that video.  On my way to The Big Easy and will take some pics and vids for your viewing pleasure tomorrow.

Twelve Bar Foos on 6th Street

A raucous night on the town was had by young and old revelers on 6th Street.  Although finals were a day away, many students were partaking in all the blues and beer that Austin’s entertainment district has to offer.  In a major coinkidink, my client/friend from NYC was also in Austin for the eve so we hit the town together.

Couldn’t pass up the opportunity to relive my college years and jump on the foosball table (not literally) where Oliver and I got demolished by some pros (essentially white trash with 75 cents in their pockets).  They reveled in the chance to beat a couple of neophytes and one guy even tried to hustle us when single handedly he was able to win against the two of us.

Next was off to a blues bar, one of many on 6th street, to hear the 12 bar blues in all its glory.  I could’ve sat there all eve except for the fact that I had work to do and O had a flight to catch at 6am.

Off to Houston where hopefully I’ll have a nighttime report.  Writing during the day isn’t as exciting and my creative juices don’t flow before 9pm.