Hi. I’m looking for a man first name Hugh last name Jass.

Bart: Hi. I’m looking for a man first name Hugh last name Jass.
Moe: Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men’s room for a Hugh Jass!
(There is a Hugh Jass at Moe’s; he takes the call)
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In honor of tonight’s 20th Anniversary of The Simpsons, I present today’s ADamVENTURES blog post as an homage to Homer and the gang in Haiku.
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Hit the road this Fall,
Drove from New York to Left Coast.
Cowabunga dude!
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Left Cali late Nov.
Plunging temperatures came.
30s in Vegas, doh!
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Searching for the warmth.
Florida in Jan. best bet
Very cold.  ¡Ay, caramba!
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Met college roommate
Our stomachs larger this year
Mmm crumbled-up cookie things
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In Feb heading North.
Scared about freezing tuchas.
Don’t have a cow man!
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Jersey Shore, How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Not since Seth Cohen of The OC blessed us with his dazzling array of shakespearean like performances have I been so fascinated with a nighttime broadcast.  Although usually loathe to watch anything on MTV, I was inspired by fellow Hazletian Sammi “Sweetheart” to revel in the lunacy that exists within the walls of one house in Sleazeside Heights NJ.  So what if it denegrates Jersey into it’s known sobriquet The Armpit of America?  As J-WOWW would say, “Bring it on bitch!”

Jumping back to a post from a few weeks ago, if you’d like to play “marry/bang/kill” with the Jersey Shore gang click HERE (scroll down a little bit after the link).  Although I chose with the majority, given my low tolerance for muttonheads (and the ability to modify the game rules) I’d probably skip the marrying, bang then kill all 3.  For other Jersey Shore funness click HERE.

Speaking of Guidos, that reminds me to discuss my New Years Eve.  With little time to plan I hit the ground running and visited as many trashy bars within a 5 mile radius of the DBV.  To call them trashy would imply that the people in these watering holes were White Trash.  Not wanting to misrepresent the patrons, I did some research and what I thought was initially WT turned out to be Rednecks.  Go figure.  Seems that just because I was the only person without multiple tattoos and smoking at every place I attended didn’t mean they were trash.  Turns out those identifiers could also mean they’re rednecks.  The best description I found was this one “White Trash can often be found hunting and fishing as well, but usually on someone else’s property”.  WT=Troublemakers RN=Good Natured Hillbillies

Next post: More ADamVENTUES and New Years Resolutions (figure if I write them after the first week I could leave off all the one’s already unresoluted).

Bless me readers for I have sinned…

…it’s been 8 days since my last blog post.  I didn’t think it fair to wax on daily about the 75 degree temps here in the land of the retirees while you Northeasterners were freezing your petooties off.  Although it would make me feel better to rub your runny noses in it, I’m not much for schadenfreude.  My 12 relatives have left for their respective cities and I’ve finally time to share some recent ADamVENTURES.

My father turned 70 years young last month and the whole Horowitz clan celebrated with him.  There’s always someone who gets a little out of hand at these things and my nephew Alex had a few too many Bud Lights (bottom left of the picture) then stuck his face in the birthday cake.

After spending a few days with the family you’re going to need to blow off some steam.  What better way to do that then to fire a loaded gun.  Three things scare me; A vacation where every meal is a buffet, women who can beat me in arm wrestling, and holding a device capable of scattering enough schrapnel to take down Andre the Giant.

Uncle Kenny (doing his best TJ Hooker on left) has a friend who’s a regular at the Palm Beach Shooting Center where I went to Get the Led Out.  I’m as power hungry as the next guy, but holding that loaded gun in my hand was responsibility I can do without.  For a once-in-a-blue-moon experience though it was awesome.

There’s tons more pictures and videos so if you want to see Greta in the batting cage, Jami and her Lamborghini or Zach riding a go-cart click HERE.

Sandy & Barry will be cruising South America for the next three weeks so I’ve decided to hang tight and take the opportunity to water their plants while they’re gone.  I’ll update you on my NYE festivities and other recent adventures in the next post, but in the meantime I wish everyone a Healthy and Happy New Year!!!